“Betrayer.” Aengellania’s shadow whispered, the voices all familiar to her in an ancient way. “Why did you leave? Why did you come back so late? You weren’t there, and all your excuses will not blind me from that truth. You weren’t there. Not for your people. Not for your brother and sister, or your parents who mourned three dead children. Not for your friends, in their time of betrayal and murder. Forgetting you would have been kindness for me. All the memory of you brought to me was pain.”
Aengellania stared forward, not moving an inch. There wasn’t even an underlying tension that entered her body; by all measures, it’s like the voice hadn’t even spoken to her. Silence reigned in Ulgu’s growing court for a moment before her shadow spoke again.
“Murderer.” it accused her, the voices contained within it too many too count, yet each one uniquely recognisable to Aengellania even in the multitude. “You killed me. My blood is on your hands. You killed me painlessly. You killed me for a righteous cause. You killed me when you had no other recourse. But I’m still dead by your hand. The joys of the living were ripped away from me. Repentance was a privilege denied to me. Every day you enjoy was stolen from me. Knowing that your soul will not survive your death must comfort you. You won’t ever have to face me again.”
Aengellania slowly lifted her mug to her lips, and took a quiet, slow sip, before slowly lowering her mug again. It was cold, all warmth stolen away into the night.
“Weak.” her shadow hissed, and this time she knew its singular voice and its venom intimately. “Everyone else sees a mighty mage, one who could bend magic to her will with barely a thought. But all that power matters little without resolve. And look at you, how little you’ve changed the Realms. Even without your magic, you could command armies. With it, you could win wars. Yet here you are, coddling the lost and the frail. You’re scared of what you can do with your power. That’s what you tell yourself. But I know that really, it’s because you’re terrified of what you didn’t use it for. How many ghosts must linger on my shoulders before you realise that one was too many? How much more must I suffer because of you?”
And still, Aengellania’s eyes didn’t raise up from her mug. It would be a quick mouthful to drain, but she didn’t finish it yet. She almost seemed listless, as if lost in her own private musings.
“Betrayer.” her shadow said again, its voice raising in pitch and anger and desperation. “You let us die. You let fear overtake you. It was easy for you. All that training under Tyrianna, and you still froze like a child. You could have saved me. You could have saved the one closest to you in every wa-“
Aengellania softly sighed, and gently closed her eyes. “And now, you’ve overplayed your hand.” the Cathallar murmured. “Those souls can’t haunt me. I know that they’re utterly gone from the Realms, and that gives me a point of rationality to hang on to. You’d know that, but you don’t understand pain.”
“I understand it better than anyone.” her shadow shrilly retorted. “I am pain. I am agony. I am every second of suffering you have caused, and all the moments of torment between those seconds. I am-“
“An echo. One that doesn’t understand what it’s imitating.” Aengellania leaned back in her seat, head rested in her hand as a sudden weariness overtook her. “You know what brings out the worst in me, certainly. But you can only chase that worst. You can’t wield pain elegantly, effectively. It must always be the greatest darkness for you, doesn’t it?”
“And a simpering, cowardly Cathallar knows better than me?” the shadow sneered. Aengellania thought she detected a note of petulance in its voice. Good. It wasn’t keeping up the act anymore. Aengellania leaned her head back against her chair, and let out a long, tired sigh dragged out from the pits of her stomach.
“Yes.” she admitted. “I couldn’t be who I am if I didn’t.”
The shadow didn’t respond. Finally, Aengellania opened her eyes, and to her mild surprise found Hyshlight peeking through her window. It didn’t feel like enough time had passed for daybreak to arrive now. Had sleep overtaken her in the end? Had it all been a dream?
